Conversation & company
How to Correct Someone Who Gets Your Name Wrong
A brief correction can put the conversation right without turning it into a confrontation.
Ask Alexander
Has someone been getting your name wrong, or are you worried about a mistake you have made? Let’s find a comfortable way to put it right.
Someone calls you by the wrong name, shortens it without asking, or introduces you with a pronunciation you scarcely recognise. You notice the mistake immediately, then spend the next few minutes wondering whether mentioning it would seem fussy.
You are allowed to say your own name. The aim is to give the other person useful information and carry on together. You need neither a lengthy apology for correcting them nor a speech about the importance of getting it right.
Offer the correction while it is useful
In an ordinary conversation, a brief correction at the next natural pause is usually enough. Say the name you use clearly, then return to what you were discussing.
It’s Catherine, actually. Lovely to meet you.
If the name is right but the pronunciation is not, say it as you would like to hear it. You can repeat it a little more slowly if asked. There is no need to turn it into a test or insist that everyone present take a turn.
A correction during an introduction can prevent the mistake travelling round the room. If someone is in the middle of a speech, however, consider whether a quiet word afterwards would serve you better. Choose a moment that works for you; being courteous does not require letting every error pass.
Say which name you prefer
A nickname offered warmly can still be unwelcome. You do not have to accept it as the price of being friendly.
I go by Elizabeth rather than Liz, thank you.
The Emily Post Institute’s guidance on introductions recommends using people’s preferred names and titles, including a nickname only when you know they prefer it. Affection is a good reason to learn someone’s preference, rather than decide it for them.
The same approach works when the name you use has changed:
I use Morgan now. Please call me Morgan from here on.
You may explain more if you wish. Your family history or personal circumstances need not become part of the conversation simply because someone has used an old name.
Make a written correction easy to act on
In an email exchange, put the correction near the beginning of your reply, then answer the actual message. A signature alone may be too easy to overlook.
One small correction: my name is spelled Catherine, with a C. Thank you for updating it. Friday at ten works well for me.
If the mistake appears on an event programme or meeting invitation, contact the person who can change it and provide the exact wording you would like. Keep the request specific:
Would you please change the speaker listing to Catherine Evans? The surname is correct; the first name needs a C.
A public correction is not necessary when a private message can solve the problem. Equally, you need not pretend the printed mistake is your fault to soften the request.
When the mistake keeps happening
One slip and a repeated pattern call for different conversations. If a gentle reminder has not helped, speak privately and be more explicit about what you are asking.
I’ve mentioned that I use Elizabeth, but you’re still calling me Liz. Please use Elizabeth when you speak to me or introduce me.
If the response is that the nickname is easier, you can simply repeat your preference. You do not need to produce a more persuasive reason. Where someone is trying but struggling with pronunciation, a quiet opportunity to practise may help, if you are happy to offer it.
Avoid turning colleagues or friends into an audience for the dispute. Address the person concerned and keep the request clear.
If you are the person being corrected
Thank them, use the right name, and continue. “Thank you, Catherine” is quite sufficient. Avoid telling them their name is difficult, explaining why the wrong one suits them, or asking them to comfort you about the mistake.
If you introduced them incorrectly, repair the introduction briefly. If you control a written listing, correct that too. The useful part of an apology is what you do with the information afterwards.
Alexander’s advice
A name is worth a moment’s attention. Offer a correction plainly, receive one generously, and let the conversation continue with both people properly included.